I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
