Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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