so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
