you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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