I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
