There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
