your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
