My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
