Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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