you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
