is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
