I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
