New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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