i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
