somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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