Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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