I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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