I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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