I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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