dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
