Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
