people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
