It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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