holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
