It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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