Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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