I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
third nipple confirmed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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