It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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