So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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