the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
