i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
