i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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