so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
