I'm lost and stupid without you.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There r osticjed everywhere
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
