Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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