In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
