but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
