i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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