Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
