He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
