ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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