Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
