U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
