Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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