Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
