Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
