you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
