do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
