We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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