apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is Oprah even human
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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