i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
